“Children, I said to her. For the first little while, they not exactly human, you don't find?”
Nalo Hopkinson

Sunday, June 20, 2010

At the Library

Today I have Anthony Hamilton playing in the background while I am blogging and trying to make some rich brown gravy.  That has nothing to do with my post but I just can't help myself.  I love to write about everything that's going on around me.

I have been volunteering at the library once a week because if I have enough hours in I don't have to pay fines.  I never want to give them their books back anyway sooo....

A young black man is tutoring a young black woman in algebra.  I know because I was tutored too.  She's not catching on to cubing and square roots.  He's so patient with her and knowledgeable.  Her small son is running around playing with the puzzles and stuffed animals in the children's section.  Why isn't this perspective of black manhood more often written about?

One of the clerks there is a black woman whose mother loves opera.  I don't understand opera unless they speak English.  I suppose it makes sense for everyone to have their own personal musical tastes.

That man smells so good I have to stop myself from taking him in my arms and sniffing his neck.  I want to tell him but they always take it the wrong way.  I want to get the name of the scent for Jake and they think I want to come on to them.  I take a deep breath, square my shoulders, and move on.

There is a beautiful young black woman sitting at her laptop.  She is and thick like me after I gained 90 lbs.  I know she has men popping out of thin air like the Great Gazoo trying to talk to her, because since I have become a big girl the men won't leave me alone either.  I had to start wearing my wedding ring again.  I don't know what they are telling each other, but plenty of men like big girls.  Some men may think that big girls are desperate or lonely, but some of us get plenty of good love.

The mother keeps chasing the little chattering and giggling brown girl around the building. That child looks too young to be walking and her tiny white sandals are adorable.  She comes up to me with a piece of paper and a smile.  I can't understand what she is saying, but it seems she wants to help me with pulling holds.  I must have been like that.  It doesn't seem a long time ago.

I put a little too much salt in the gravy.   Maybe next I will listen to Angela Bofill or some more Chicago.


  1. Is THAT what that look means when I tell men they smell good. LOL. I am so far removed from the single life, I didn't read that shocked look to mean, "Is she coming on to me?" Life is too funny. I'm not going to stop telling them though. Good Post! Your writing is so real.

  2. Sometimes their wives or girlfriends take my compliment the wrong way.


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